first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
