they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
