its not stalking. its research.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
