Got a toothbrush?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The uberlube is also flammable
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
