i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
