Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
