sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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