you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
