I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
