I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
