At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
