i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
