Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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