I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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