I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
