He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
