Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
