I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
