Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
