I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
