I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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