I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
