You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
