I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
