When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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