Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
