hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
