what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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