Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
