You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
