Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's official drugs can't kill me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
