So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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