Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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