I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
