A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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