hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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