Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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