Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
