Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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