did you get engaged???
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
