good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
