let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
