Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
