I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
