farters have to be the big spoon...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
