Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
