Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
