and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
