he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
