I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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