In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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